It is what you do in DeMolay that defines who you are, not the awards and honors you earned.
…The last few hours has been a learning experience for me to understand how there would be no difference…no change, but a renewed mind, soul and a heart. It feels like we grew apart
, but nothing is going to change that now. I’m glad. I got what I needed to say off my chest, and I feel great.
I have not been honest with everyone. I have not been honest with myself lately. Everyday, I just want to swear up a storm to relieve a chunk of stress that has been lingering within me. I want to say that everything that is happening to be is in reflection to my past. It seems that I cannot get away from it. Almost everything I encounter has been a reminder of what past I put aside…what I pushed back to the deeper areas of my mind so that I can try to continue with my life. But everyday has been a struggle to continue without finding something to pull me back to my past reality. I hear a song that takes me back, or a t-shirt, a word that someone says…all this that makes me think about what I could have done in the past so that everything can be better…that everything can flow in my benefit and no one else’s. Given the state of affairs that I have been through, It is best to get something off my chest. But average words will not do. They say that music is the best way to show true emotion and feelings for something or someone. I feel like I want to spontaneously break into song and perform with music similar to how the people from “Glee” would do…but I think it would be awkward if it was really done in front of people. May I write about love, depression, truth, the past, what will thrive and last? I do not know. There are so many things going through my mind that it is not even funny. I recently went to an open-mic night where people were performing. There was even free coffee (which I took advantage of…greatly). During the performances, I noticed that there were so many people talking in the background that it would normally irritate the audience that were tentatively listening to the performances. I wanted to be the one that would try to intervene and shut the crowd up. But…I didn’t. My mind is wired in a way that I wanted to listen to the crowd. I wanted to know why they would talk and chat during the performances. I just wanted to listen in to what they were talking about so I can deduce and put together why they would how up to the event if all they are going to do is talk and chit-chat and mingle like it was a social hall. …anyways, it got me thinking… All the music that I have heard has inspired me to accomplish what Week 5 has told me to do…Talk to someone that I have not talked to for a long time. So that is what I am doing, and I think this chat has been more productive than I thought it would be. For me to write music, or poetry is beyond me. But I know that lyrics and music are the best way to channel my feelings…my true feelings.
*(This is somewhat of a parody of “Twitter Will Kill You” )*
I believe that facebook is a wonderful thing. It can do wonders to your life, from reconnecting with old friends, remembering great memories, act like an art gallery for you to place your pictures for all to see. Ever since it was incorporated, it has been evolving into the mega-social-networking entity that has consumed all of us into its virtual world. Now, it may be a good thing for us to use it to burn off a little bit of time and stress to or it may revolve in the opposite direction and bring upon you more stress or, as what I would like to call, “procrastination”. The one thing I would LOVE to point out is that facebook does not incorporate emotion into its text. Every time you post anything on your status or on your wall, we would, straight away, understand the tone and feeling of the post. Someone may relate to it and push the little “like” button so that they can not only relate, but also give the postee a sense that they are not alone, and gave them a good feeling that they should have posted away. But in some cases, like what I am about to incorporate, people are a little naive when they read and believe one thing when the postee meant another.
Here is my story: I posted a status update about my life a few months ago. Now, there is nothing fascinating about my life except for how I am a very interesting Asian in some of my friends’ point of view. But this is a story for another time. This post related to my future and how it apparently related to the present time (this time: a few months ago). Now, for anyone out there to read and comprehend what I was saying, at that moment in time, would simply “like”d and went on with their merry lives. But not this bunch of people. I believe their sole goal is to find fault with what I post and would literally make my life a bit of an eye sore in their perspectives. For a bunch of young boys to make such a mockery of my expressions is one thing, but for a bunch of teenagers to do the same thing is beyond me. I think it is some sort of greater power that is influencing them to do such thing. I have dealt with boys in the Order of DeMolay that were similar to such people that I have explained, but nothing can comprehend what these guys did. For them to mimic the characteristics and mentalities of a bunch of teen age girls all while being in the presence of my facebook surprises me. But it is not for me to judge. I have done enough judging in this time. Indeed facebook has made a great difference in many people throughout the world.
I should know. I have seen it with my very own eyes.
But I am not one to make assumptions and speculations of what to do or how to go along with my daily routines, or how to deal with this insanity.
But here is what I do know:
To those that love to influence others to follow in your footsteps and continue to do the same conduct and actions that you have done for me, you have nothing to worry about with me. I forgive you. I forgive everyone that have wronged me, and I plead forgiveness for those that I have hurt, for it is not me who will be judging them.
I have two qualities to see the absolute truth: Brilliant and Unloved.
So I don’t know if you know this, but I moved out of my Dad’s place over a year ago and have been living independently since then…well, with the help from my Mom and my loving brother and sister. The whole reason why I moved out was due to the instinct that I was not being heard when something important was being uttered out of my mouth. That being said, I was never listened to, but always listen to my Dad and all the “inspirational” talks about how we should do taxes early, never play Manacala because it will curse you financially, turn off your cell phone when you charge your phone (?) , buy an artificial Christmas Tree so that we can save money and not buy a real one, have your socks and shirts in the same drawer and always have cash money in your wallet just in case…your car breaks down or you’re really hungry and the only place that has food will only take currency/coins. Obviously, I do not follow most of what he says, but he keeps insisting. The one thing that really hit me the most (and the one that I still remember to this day) is how he kept saying how I should always watch out and care for myself and don’t always help others out (In a few short words, don’t volunteer too much, or they will take advantage of you). My Dad was right on this factor to a certain degree of correctness. As you all know, I am a helpful person. I love to help others in need and try to be the comforting person that all people (mostly girls….with all of your drama and gossip and you do oh so well that it gets out of control). I am the type of person that would be the neutral party when it comes to problems and trying my best to solve it with approval of both sides. I am what you say a “nice” guy. I’m just awesome that way. But being awesome has its down sides. and I have hit a major one that I do not think I can solve from. But it is not a great calamity that lives are in danger or property will be damaged. (I think there is a show on the telly that allows people to destroy stuff for a stress relief. If there isn’t, there should). I am not easily hurt from my experiences from my Dad and his harsh words on life, but actions speak louder than words.
I believe that this is a opportunity to express what I am trying to convey to the internet world. I help others, that is a given. I am pleased that God has given me this ability to help others, but I think that my personal actions (not inspired from God) has deviated away from my ultimate purpose. What is that purpose, I do not know, but I know for a fact that my future lies ahead of me with God by my side: whether I’m alone in the mortal world, or someone near and dear to me will be right beside me no matter what. My best wishes goes out to those that has inspired me and affected my decision. Although they have wronged me and threw me off balance of what I am supposed to do, I wish them well in their future endeavors. As a famous poet once said: Even a bouquet of flowers can ultimately change the playing field.
Maybe it is a path that God is calling me towards, and the bouquet of flowers is that sign telling me which way to go in this world. Let us RING in the New Year right and follow through in this path. Although it might be best to disappear from the past and all I have worked on, I’m sure that it will be better on the other side.
I am not quite sure to say this, but for once, my Dad actually helped me out with this dilemma that I faced, and for this, my many thanks.
“If there is one thing that will give a band an unchallengeable advantage over their peers and win them the instant respect of the audience it’s a synth dude (or dudette) who has risen to the occasion and strapped on a keytar. You wear the ‘tar: you win. It’s that simple.”