Two qualities to know absolute truth: Brilliant and unloved.
Two qualities to know absolute truth: Brilliant and unloved.
You got nothing to lose. You don’t lose when you lose fake friends.
Mind you, I’m not running for a public office or have the intention to become involved in anything that relates to the government and/or politics. I believe what I am about to say is of greater importance that I need some name of distinction to single out the vast array of posts and poems that I have displayed on my tumblr.
In the past few years, I have encountered many people that have inspired me and encouraged me to become better. I have even encountered that have lied and turned their backs on me. As time passed, the number to this ratio have changed. More and more people have turned away from me. The sense of hypocrisy has taken over my surroundings that I just cannot handle anymore. I have been lied to so many times that I have no choice but to take action. So, farewell to those that portrayed such things. I don’t feel any shame, I won’t apologize. I’m running away from the pain where I’ve been victimized.
I’m starting with Facebook.
Its time to begin my life. Conclave has passed, time to disappear.
I do so promise and vow.
Poprocks and Coke in my stomach
when we hung out, just let it all loose.
She’s a Rebel" I thought when we hung out
I knew more about her and I felt she is
the one (what she did made her rebellious).
Waiting a long time for this
moment to come, for this
become whole with someone else.
SHE was it. But 2000 Light Years Away, she was too far from the start.
Church on Sunday, she presents
a “Dear John”, leaving me in the friend zone.
It seems to me that I have become
Basket Case when it comes to
this. Everything has becoming so
for me. Yet, a constant
to myself, I keep moving. She was an
for me. She was my
Amy, my Haushinka.
One of these days,
When I Come Around to it, I’ll Hold On.
Maybe in the future…
Whatsername will understand my feelings of this
The loneliness people are the kindest,
the saddest people smile the brightest,
the most damaged people are the wisest…
…all because they do not wish to see anyone else suffer the way that they do.
You say you want me there for support
from all the crap that you that you were going through.
We talked and talked and we agreed it
would be better if I come down.
Many say WE would work out together.
I was skeptical at first, but one thing led
to another, I “felt” something. I professed and
confessed and ended up in rejection. “In no
need of a relationship”, but weeks later…she is together with someone else.
In the past, she saved my life.
She opened my eyes to what life is all about. I had the greatest term of my life because of her. I’m in debited to her for her assistance. A life for a life, my debt is repaid. I did so much to help. I moved closer to you so that everything would be alright.
I move closer only for you to move away.
I’ve taken so much that I couldn’t pay.
I honestly did not see this coming
…but I, now, have a great thing going.
You gave me a better opportunity down here.
Go on and move away. I’m better off without you.
I will still have the memories and the ring on my finger.
Everything has changed for the better.
And for that…I thank you.
Many of my friends have asked about my ring on the middle finger on my right hand. I have said that: a friend gave it to me, a gift from a friend from school, etc. Here is the truth and its meaning:
I had a ring before…but it was different. It had the etchings of a verse that said on one side: “1 Timothy 6:11” and the other side said: “Man of God”. A very close friend of mine gave that to me and told me about how I was such person and how I was instrumental in saving her life and helping her understand how life was important and to carry on with living day after day with joy and happiness rather than pain and suffering. But one thing led to another…and disagreements arose between us. It was the reason why I gave back the ring to her. Months later, we made amends and tried to work things out. But unfortunately, it didn’t. I wanted to have a relationship with her, but she said she want to figure her life out. I respected her wishes until a few weeks later, she hooks up with another person, my best friend. *I was foolish enough to ask for my ring back.
I decided that I needed a reminder to become aware of such actions that may occur around me again. So the ring I currently have is my reminder. The verse is Ephesians 6:11 that says:
"Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes."
This is my constant reminder that no matter what is going on, I have my armor with me…on me…wherever I go. I will meet people that will lie to me, cheat on me, steal from me and gossiped against me. These are the devil’s schemes that the Bible tells me that will make me fall out of my ways. My ring is my armor. It will never leave my side.
I still have respect for them. I just won’t have anything to do with them.
What am I looking for in life?
Honestly, No one knows. Is it money, wealth, knowledge companionship? I don’t need money, I don’t need wealth. I don’t need knowledge than what I need to know. All people fear is the feeling of being alone. No one around them to show support, to show compassion, to show love.
All I have encountered is lies, deceit, deception, false truths that have instilled in me. My mind has changed the true concept of love, relationships, boyfriends, girlfriends, the whole “kit-and-cabootle”. But my heart keeps contradicting my contradictions and tells me one thing only.
"There is a chance".
It’s not great, but it keeps flashing in my mind every single time I give up hope.
Its not a great feeling being used, manipulated, feel cheated on and abused…mentally, not physically. I can hold on to my own. Very different to figure that out in high school.
Very young, naive, don’t know better. What can I say, I’m just the latter of the piece of society that we call high schoolers, or in my case, the minority. The common story of the underdogs. The race of people that have a story inside the uniforms and “school spirit” on the outside.
From the countless numbers of “She did whats” and “Did you hear“‘s., its the same old thing over and over, again and again. No end to a consistent cycle we call life. No different than outside the walls, or in some cases, bars and fences and security and cameras. It feels secluded, but in our case…its high school.
It was embarrassing to not only me, but my friends.
They can’t handle a small taste of what I had to go through
day after day, week after week, month after month.
If they only knew the full story, they would understand
why I did what I did, I ran and hid like a kid
running away from my worst nightmare.
First it was money, then, it was control.
In time, it was like parole and I was on trial
for almost everything that I did or where I would
First, a reception I never wanted.
Peer pressure and requests I gave into.
After the speeches and congrats
I hear criticism in everything I said and do.
The banquet was no better
than the reception incident.
The worst thing that can
happen to one.
Mid speech, he walks away.
Ashamed of his pride and
joy. After all I have
said and done to appreciate
all that have helped me, I have
never felt do down in my life.
"I am a ghost", he tells me.
I’m just a ghost at most in
your life. …and drives away in less than five.
"It was for this", "It was for that".
"It was for work", "It was for school".
He didn’t listen, He didn’t bother.
He didn’t have to be so cruel.
I couldn’t live the life I always wanted
I couldn’t be who I was because I was always judged
By his actions, by his mind, by his words, by his eyes.
I’ve had it, this is rough
Time to prove to him I’m tough.
My bags are packed, my thoughts were said
This is my stand, I’ve had enough.
"Look at me when I’m talking!"
"Why aren’t you talking?"
"Why are you packed?"
"Where are you going?"
I didn’t listen, I didn’t bother…I didn’t tell him what I was doing.
Time has passed, and
NOTHING has happened, literally.
He never tried to fix
his mess. Probably for
the best. I rather not
deal with what he has
done. I’ve done all
I can and never felt
What have I done to you?
I’m still trying to figure this out.
Forgiveness was given, but its still the same like I live in
…as if nothing happened.
How can I “not worry” about it if it is the only thing I worry about?
I’m starting to get sick and tired of her games.
Over and over, I get the cold shoulder as if I did something.
Just get over it and tell me up front if you want me gone.
It won’t be long, just be blunt with me. Because I’m tired of
wasting my time.
We have our differences, we have our hardships.
but think about what you are doing before
you prove to everyone that immaturity and stubbornness
runs and showing me the reason why everyone turned their
backs to you.
I’m trying to help, but, for once, I may be joining the
crowd for this one. My back is turned. Now I know
what I have to do. Young at heart but younger at mind.
Best to leave THAT past behind. Would you be so
kind to leave me be, or is that the other way around?